Get What You Need (and Deserve) From Your Relationship
If both partners in a relationship feel that their needs are being met, that relationship is likely to be a lasting one. We all have needs. if they aren’t being met in a relationship, the unfortunate inclination is to look elsewhere.
It should be obvious, but one of the first things to do to tell your partner what you would like. You can’t read minds, and you shouldn’t expert your partner to be able to read minds either. It’s very likely that your partner wants to please you (as you want to please them). Frankly discussing your needs helps you both.
At the same time, encourage your partner to tell you the needs he or she feels are important. You might be surprised to learn, if you’ve never had this conversation before, how different your needs might be.
You might feel the need for you partner to tell you he loves you often, so may you do that for him. It’s fine to do that but it may not be a real need that he has. He may prefer you to show your love by considerate little acts. Some people crave words, and some people like to be shown.
Simply having a discussion about your relationships needs can strengthen the relationship. If you both know what each of you want, it’s easier for you to keep each other happy. If a couple isn’t used to having this kind of discussion it may seem a little uncomfortable at first. Telling each other your needs is better than hinting or expecting them to be psychic.
When people don’t get what they want they often resort to passive-aggressive behavior thinking it’s better than open conflict. Unfortunately, this almost always makes the situation worse. If he does take your hint, it’s only after you’ve acted put upon, angry and resentful. So his doing the dishes might be only to keep you from acting that way.
If you ask for something explaining that getting it makes you feel supported, accepted and loved, you’re more likely to get it than if you sulk and act sullen.
Even though we can reasonably look to our partner for love and support, we also need to remember that ultimately happiness is an inside job. Again, open channels of communication help a lot here.
All relationships have rough spots from time to time. You can get through the hard times more easily if you take advantage of other people’s experience.
Your friends undoubtedly have your best interests at heart but it will hard for them to be objective because of they’re close to you.
Fortunately, there are many sources of good information available today.
One site I like a lot is The Relationship Fix.
That site covers many aspects of relationships, but focuses on providing information to help in tough times (after all, most of us can handle the good times without any help.
For example, you can find advice on How to Fix a Long Term Relationship. Another page (Second Chance Romance Review) reviews a program that teaches ways to get a relationship back on track.
The main thing is to realize that all relationships are growth processes. If you keep the communication channels open and find some good advice chances are you’ll come through it closer than ever. A loving, ling-term relationship is well worth the effort.
