How Can Pre Marriage Counseling Help You
Pre marriage counseling really does pay off, according to a four state survey of over 3,000 homes published by Scott Stanley in the Journal of Family Psychology (March, 2006). The survey found that couples who met with marriage family counselors were, on average, 31% less likely to divorce than couples who did not attend counseling. They were also more likely to report higher marital satisfaction, lower marital conflict and greater levels of commitment.
The question of when to seek marriage counseling before the big day may be dicey. It’s sort of like a prenuptial, which some people may find offensive or as admonishing the fact that “Hey things may not work out as planned!” As the practice of counseling for couples becomes more widespread, this becomes less an issue, though. To help guide you, the California Association for Marriage Family Therapists came up with several criterion. If you’re young and have never married, then go! If one partner is “commitment-o-phobic,” then go! If there are unresolved issues regarding money, parenting, household responsibilities, work or sex, then go! If one or more partners have had a previously failed marriage, go! If you feel you’d like added conflict resolution skills, go! Lastly, if there has been a history of childhood or domestic abuse, go! Sometimes these seemingly minor obstacles can become full-blown catastrophes later, so it’s important that they’re addressed early and professionally.
Money is the main reason why couples should seek pre marriage counseling. It’s important that both partners are on the same path, since the top reason for young divorce is financial problems. Mental health counselors say that the real argument here is over control. One person may accuse the other of slowly seeping all the money out of the joint account through frivolous spending patterns. There are also clashes between those who have saved adequately for their retirements and those who are praying for miracles. Often, one person will assume control of the finances but fail to budget appropriately, which creates an emergency situation when an unexpected expense pops up. It can be difficult to give up part of your financial independence and begin functioning as a unit, yet among other things, marriage counselors can help ease the transition.
Often, we come into a new marriage with many false conceptions, which is one of the reasons why pre marriage counseling is so important. One of the most common marriage myths is that love and luck are the keys to a lasting marriage, when in reality commitment and companionship are far more significant. Also, couples feel if they live together and give it a “test drive,” they’ll be more likely to get married, which is false. Having children will not always bring a couple closer together or patch up existing problems, either. In fact, parenthood comes with a whole new set of issues. It is also untrue that married people have less than thrilling sex lives and that married people are guaranteed to be happier than marriages from 20-30 years ago. Balancing expectations is just one area of Christian marriage counseling.
