Make Him More Than A Friend
Hey,
You know how AGONIZING it is when you have a
male friend who you’ve developed feelings for.
It’s not the feelings themselves that cause so
much pain … it’s when they’re UNREQUITED that it
really hurts.
Of course, there are things you can do to try
and move the friendship to the next level – but
frankly, there is a very high chance of ending up
with nothing more than a wounded ego and no more
friendship.
If you find yourself tongue-tied when around
men you really like, you may want to take a look
at this special book.
It’s a difficult one.
But there is a solution …
It’s called, NOT GETTING STUCK AS A FRIEND IN
THE FIRST PLACE!
Seriously. If you’ve got a guy friend you’re
ALREADY hopelessly in love with, you are going to
have to make a choice:
a) Either tell him, directly or through subtle
innuendo, how you feel, and risk losing the
friendship
OR
b) Cut your losses now, and end the friendship
yourself.
Truly, you will most likely NOT be able to
continue being ‘friends’ on any normal and healthy
level with someone you are in love with … what
usually happens is that the woman in question
becomes more and more miserable, more and more
besotted, and more and more insecure …
… until finally she’s TOTALLY fixated on this
one guy and loses out on ALL these other
opportunities to meet GREAT new men who actually
DO want her.
Think about it! What kind of a lesson are you
teaching yourself when you “hang in there” in the
hopes that this friend of yours will eventually
wake up one morning and ‘realize’ that he’s madly
in love with you?
You’re teaching yourself a subconscious lesson
that MEN DON’T FIND YOU ATTRACTIVE…
… and that the way to make men find you
attractive is to chase them around and get more
and more bogged down in your own head and your own
emotions.
Look: he’s not going to spontaneously REALIZE
that he has feelings for you.
Sorry, but that just doesn’t happen.
Well … allow me to correct myself (slightly.) I
am willing to concede that SOMETIMES, and VERY
RARELY, this has been known to happen … but
realistically, the chances of this happening to
you are almost nil. That’s something you’re just
going to have to accept.
You either need to be straight-up with him
about how you feel, or end the friendship and move
on, thus freeing yourself up for better things.
(Let’s face it: the friendship ACTUALLY ended when
you realized you had feelings for him. You can’t
be real friends with someone you’re in love with.)
And in fact, you’ve actually got MORE of a
chance of success with this guy happening if you
REMOVE yourself from his life for
awhile(especially when the alternative is you
hanging around, being super-available all the time
and hoping that something happens.)
Let him miss you. See what happens.
In this situation, making yourself less
available, more mysterious, and more INDEPENDENT
is EXACTLY what you need to do. Familiarity does
not breed lust or love with someone who thinks of
you as a friend … but a little distance and a
little ‘missing you’ just MIGHT. (Once again:
that’s MIGHT.)
But in all honesty, the best cure for this
horrible situation is PREVENTION.
And that means that you have to prevent
yourself from slipping into a platonic friendship
with a man you consider potential boyfriend
material (or even husband material) RIGHT FROM THE
GET-GO.
Let’s talk about some ways for you to do that.
First of all: you need to focus on creating
CHEMISTRY.
It’s very important that he sees you as a
feminine, attractive being from the VERY
BEGINNING. This doesn’t mean that you have to be
perfect or beautiful – it just means that, since
you never know when you’re going to meet someone
you feel that SPARK with, it’s important that you
are prepared for flirtation and attraction AT ALL
TIMES.
Let’s be honest for a moment, shall we? Men
tend to form their impressions of a woman very
quickly. It doesn’t take long for them to
‘categorize’ a new acquaintance as, ‘possible
lover’ or ‘just a friend’, so you need to be ready
to take advantage of the opportunity when it
presents itself.
Here’s an example of why this is important:
My friend (we’ll call her Dana, to protect her
privacy) was round at another friend – who we’ll
call Stephanie – ‘s place the other day.
They had a ‘girl’s night in’ planned, so Dana
had deliberately dressed right down. She was
wearing loose, sloppy trackpants, Ug boots, no
makeup, and her hair wasn’t freshly washed.
Basically, she was prepared for a night of
eating comfort-food and lying on the couch with
Stephanie, dishing the dirt and just chilling out.
But about half an hour into the evening,
Stephanie got a knock on the door …and when she
got up to answer it, it was her brother … and
about 3 of his friends. One of whom,
coincidentally, happened to be JUST Dana’s type –
smart, professional, witty, interesting, and cute
to boot.
Even MORE coincidentally, Dana was single and
looking.
But did she take advantage of this unexpected
gift dropping right into her lap??
No, she did not. She was so intimidated by how
frumpy she was feeling that she just sat quietly
on the couch, hugging her knees to her chest, and
hardly said a WORD. Not one inkling of her normal
sparkling, witty personality came through: as she
said later, she felt “at a horrible, underdressed,
unattractive disadvantage.”
HERE’S THE LESSON IN WHAT HAPPENED TO DANA:
Because she was feeling frumpy, she TOTALLY
shot herself in the foot and lost an opportunity
to make a connection with a real live attractive
man right in front of her! Who knows what could
have happened if she’d been feeling confident and
attractive and had participated fully in the
conversation?
The message here is that YOUR CONFIDENCE LEVELS
ARE KEY. If you are looking frumpy, chances are
you’re FEELING frumpy … and most likely, guys will
be able to sense that you’re feeling that way, and
will not be attracted.
It’s not that you need to look beautiful or
glamorous. You just need to feel COMFORTABLE
enough with your own self and the message you’re
sending out there to be able to jump at the
opportunity when one presents itself.
The world is ripe with unexpected possibilities
for meeting people. It pays to take care of
yourself at ALL TIMES: not only will you LOOK
better (which, frankly, never hurts), but – more
importantly – you will be much more able to be
your attractive, confident and unique self and
have fun in the moment without feeling
self-conscious and inhibited.
Tip #2: When you talk to him, don’t just TALK.
FLIRT.
Don’t be prone to ‘magical thinking’ and just
expect something to miraculously ‘happen’ when you
meet a man you find attractive.
You might be surprised at how many women do
this: they find someone who could be relationship
material, and decide that if it’s ‘meant to be’,
then it will ‘just happen’. And as a result, they
make very little effort to help matters along …
and of course, NOTHING ENDS UP HAPPENING.
Here’s a little tip for you: you are MUCH more
likely to enjoy success with the men of your
choosing when you CREATE an atmosphere of
FLIRTATION and CHEMISTRY.
This doesn’t mean that you have to re-invent
yourself as a giggling, simpering minx. Good
flirting isn’t about SCREAMING sexuality, it’s
about HINTING at it … but more than anything else,
it’s about making the guy feel great about
himself.
… and if you ARE interested in learning how to be
the kind of mature, attractive, interesting flirt who
knocks their socks off, you should check this out.
… but I’ll give you a few quick pointers so you
always get off on the right foot:
Good flirting is about creating the space for
romance to happen. If you want to flirt with a
guy, you should bear in mind that it’s all about
giving him POSITIVE FEEDBACK.
If you want him to seek you out again and
again, you want to let him know that you enjoy his
company.
So: smile. A LOT. Laugh at his jokes.
Make plenty of eye contact. And introduce TOUCH –
this one’s a biggie, as it really emphasizes your
femininity and portrays you in a more physical
framework. (Use sparingly, though, because it’s
powerful!)
